Forgive Me..

Forgive me for never showing my emotions. Forgive me for remembering every little detail of every little memory that I've had with you. Forgive me for actually falling in love with the one person that I could truly love for the rest of my life. Forgive me for keeping all of those dorky notes and cute poems. Forgive me for listening to songs over and over again because they remind me of you. Forgive me for thinking that we could have been something amazing. Forgive me for believing that you actually felt the same way. Forgive me for trying to make you happy. Forgive me for wanting to be more than friends. Forgive me for thinking that you were over her. Forgive me for all those days that I've lied about why I was crying because the real reason was you. Forgive me for being sad for months while you were gone. Forgive me for not always telling you what's wrong. Forgive me for making stupid decissions. Forgive me for trying so hard to be with you. Forgive me for EVERYTHING....

[[Wanna Be Loved For Who I Am...Not What I Look Like]

I am more than what my face or my body depicts. I wish some guys could see past those aspects of me. I want people to see who I really am. I need a guy who understans everything that I have been through and done, and who doesn't see me as anything less than who I am. I need to be told that I am good enough. I feel as if some guys only care about my appearance, attributes and features. I want someone who is able to see underneath all of that. I have alot of flaws, I mean who doesn't?, but I just wish I could have someone who sees past every single one of them and doesnt think anything less of me. What is on the inside matters alot, what someone looks like on the outside is just a bonus. I have been loved because of my body or my looks, and I didnt like it. I have been wanted for things because of my body and it makes me feel used. I want to be loved more for who I am as a person. I dont believe that looks should matter as much as everyone says they do. I dont love others for what they look like, I love for what I see in them. I get told that I am cute, hot, pretty, beautiful and gorgeous...but all that doesnt matter to me...because if they tell me that, they are only looking at the surface of who I am. I just want to be loved for who I am, not what I look like.

"Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced"

Some things in life go by way to fast. People leave and things change. A very wise and close friend told me "...it's hard to let go of people...and there must be a reason". Things are meant to change..even people are meant to change, whether we like it, or not. Its just life's way of teaching us how to move on. I am the kind of person that doesn't like change very much...expecially sudden change. I have learned that I have no control over what changes and what does not, and neither does anyone else out there. Some changes are good and for the better...others are hard to deal with and seem like they shouldn't have changed at all. A lot of things have been twisted around and messed with in my life. Friendships, trust, family and anyting else in between. Things have happend to me in my life that I really wish didnt happen, and all of my feelings and perspective towards those events have changed as my views have changed. As it is getting close to graduation and the end of my junior year...i realize that it is going to be extreamly different as a senior in high school. I will have more responsibilities and more expectations, and that is because of everything that I have done to get to this point..I changed my future by pushing myself and changing things to get where I am now. So I guess my point is that, some change is good, some...not so much, but is still needed.We learn this lesson in life through our own experiences and all the different changes that we went through ourselves!

“A smile is a curve that sets everything straight"

Smiling faces are always a source of happiness and are certainly infectious. Looking at the smiling faces of babies bring us an instant joy, even when we are in the lowest of spirits. Smiling faces radiate energy that has the capability to offer light to the atmosphere and alleviate the darkness. If you see a friend without a smile, give them one of yours. Smiling increases our lifespan because it indicates that we are in a happy state of mind. Smiling is above language and is easily universal. A person who does not understand your language, can easily understand your smile. Therefore, smiling is always welcomed by all. Also, a smile is the most beautiful thing  girl can wear. More beautiful than all the make-up most girls wear to feel beautiful...even with make-up, they always feel more beautiful while they are smiling!

"To give everything, is to have nothing left".

 We usually have to give it our all to get very far in life! I have now realized that!! If you want something bad enough, it shouldn't be very hard to give everything for it! You need to put your whole heart into it, to get something out of it! Some people dont have to give everything, to get what they want to be happy, but they will never know the feeling of actually using everything you have to get that! It really does make all the difference. When someone tells you that you cant do something, you turn around and tell then "watch me". It is a great feeling when you prove to someone that you can do what they never thought you could! When you are behind in a race, you have to make it your job to catch the person in front of you, because that means that you want more than you already have! It means that you have the strength and determination to give more than you tought you had! Even if you are far behind and you are tired, keep trying to catche that person. Once you think you have given everything, and are waiting to crash down, try to give more....because over half the time, you have more to give than you think! The last thing I want to say in this post is, Never Give Up... It is really hard to beat a person who never gives up! Even when you feel like you can't go on or can't do something, keep trying to get up or keep trying to do it...eventually, everyone finds the strength to do what they have always wanted to accomplish! When all those people in the stands are cheering for you, it feels so good! It makes you feel like they are proud of you! But you will never have that feeling if you dont just give it your all! So just go for it! If you leave everything you had out there, no one can tell you that you didn't do your best!

Trust and Honesty

So I was told to do a post about this today, because of some issues that went down, so here it is. Trust and Honesty are two very important things in life. They are definately something that each relationship should be based on. I consider these two things to be very important in my personal relationships, but both partners-in-crime need to agree that they will both be open, honest, and will be able to trust the other. Trust is a very hard thing for me, and alot of people also. I dont trust very many people unless they prove that I can trust them with anything! I try to be one of those people who other people can trust with things that are important to them! I dont tell random people things that other people have talked to me about. I just think that is just messed up. I mean, the person obviously trusted you enough to tell you, so why would you test that trust by telling someone who doesnt even need to know! That is why I have a hard time trusting people. I know people who try to get certain information from other people so they can start  rumors and twist the information around! They just want to know things about you, so that if you two ever get in a fight or something, then they have all this information to use against you. Now honesty, on the other hand, is a completely different story. Honesty is where you both are willing to talk about anything that you have a problem with. It is a good idea to have a relationship built on honesty, because there is no lying, no guessing and not as much drama. I am honest most of the time, and I try to be as honest as I can. I have a strong consious, and if I lie about something, it is constantly telling me that I lied and that I need to fix it! I also really respect people who are completely honest with me about things. People who are honest, tend to be more willing to help people out who need an honest oppinion! So that is my opinion on Trust and Honesty. I believe these are two of the many important things that you need for a good relationship, and even a good life. Much less drama this way.

--h

Does He Really Care?

So I'm not so sure of what to think right at the moment. There are so many thought running through my mind that it is starting to keep me up at night. For some reason, it seems like he doesnt actually care about me. Like he just wants to be with me for my body. I have been thinking, and we dont really know eachother very well. We dont know the important things about eachother like a couple should. I guess this kind of thing takes time...but I hate waiting for things to happen. If they were supposed to happen, then I want them to happen quickly. I am completely tired of waiting. For some strange reason, he doesnt talk to me first. I always have to talk to him first. If you know me well enough, you know that I hate being the first person to do something. When we do start talking, he gives me one word answeres and he is just short with me, like he is annoyed of me or something. It makes me feel unwanted and ingnored in a way. Dont get me wrong, he does some sweet things, gives me a few compliments and buys me stuff, but to me, that isnt really a big part of a relationship. In a relationship, you should be able to understand how the other person ticks, like what makes them happy, sad, mad, and whatever else. You need to know what they are scared of and what they do and dont like. You need to be able to have meaningful conversations about random things, and be able to talk for hours without having to think about what to say next. There needs to be a mutual understanding that if one is mad, sad, or not in a good mood, that the other one tries to figure out what is wrong and tries to fix it. There also needs to be respect and trust in the relationship. I feel like me and him have a few of these, but there are some important things missing here. He doesnt take the time to really get to know me. I try to make an effort to get to know him better, but he just gives me straight answers and doesnt go into detail about why it was his answer. I have a feeling that we dont click like I was hoping and how it is supposed to be like. There are very few people who know these meaningful things about me. And one of them happens to be one that I could easily see me spending the rest of my life with...but I guess things happen for a reason.....right? I will keep putting forth the effort to get to know him better, even if he doesnt even seem to care, because I was told that if I try this relationship, then I have to put all of my heart into it...so that is what I will try to do!

--h