Not Done Yet!

I haven't been on this in a while because I feel like no one reads it. I don't really care if anyone does because I don't write for people to listen, or sing for people to hear me. I write to get things off my chest and for those of you who know me well enough, you know that I'd rather write things out that say them in person or over the phone to someone. Writing calms me down and makes it easier to deal with problems that I am going through. I'd like to thank those of you who actually read what I write, but thats now exactly why i write. I don't write to entertain anyone, I write because that is how i express myself. We all ave problems, some are more difficult than others, yet we all find different ways of dealing with it. Music is very important to me because it is what I turn to when I don't really wanna talk to anyone. When I just want the whole outside world to fade away and just get lost in a song. There is a song for every mood you could possibly feel. Music will always be here. Whether it be culturally related or as a form or art. Art, dance, music and other forms of expression calm a person down and help them deal with difficult problems that one might have. I don't really know where I am going with this, but all I know is that I need to get my priorities straight and one of them is to flow all me emotions on this page more often for the six of you who read this blog. You already know a lot about my by my earlier posts, but I'm not even close to being completely understood yet. Which is maybe a good thing? lol

Words can hurt...

I just watched a couple of movies that really spoke out to me. Cyberbu//y and The Fat Boy Chronicles. These movies definitely make you think about how you may treat others or how others treat you. People get called names, get pushed around, teased and made fun of, yet no one ever tries to really do anything about it. People get judged by the way the dress, talk, look and the way they do things. Rumors are a huge factor in bullying and teasing as well. Girls are mostly the main cause of rumors but there are guys that do the exact same thing. Girls call eachother whores, skanks, cunts, easy, fake, b*****s and hoes because of the way they dress, or if they hang out with alot of guys. Guys call eachother gay, faggots, homos,  and queers by their sexuality or how they dress and talk. All of this is not just going on at school or in person. This is starting to become very common online, on social-networking sites like facebook and twitter. The phrase "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me" is the biggest lie anyone has ever told. How many times have you been called a name and it hurt your feelings in one way or another? I have been called all the above, and it truely hurts. It makes a person feel worthless and unwanted when someone calls them a name like that. They may not like to show how much it hurts, and how much it affect them. They dont want people to know that they have a weakness. Eventually it all builds up. All the emotion, all the pain, all the fear of not being good enough. It all comes out in one big heap of emotion. Words can hurt. If it is online or in person, it doesnt matter. It happens to everyone, in one form or another, yet no one says anything about it. No one wants to be the one who stands up and says that this is wrong. I believe that if a person feels that it is wrong, they should voice their opinion about it and not just stay silent in the background. One person standing up to another that bullies and harasses is all it takes. It takes one person to create a wave of inspiration to do the right thing. Most people have the instinct to do the right thing and say something, they just need the inspiration, the support, the example to get them going. One day, things will change for better or for worse. A lot of people say its just going to get worse from here......I am willing to challenge that...

Forgive Me..

Forgive me for never showing my emotions. Forgive me for remembering every little detail of every little memory that I've had with you. Forgive me for actually falling in love with the one person that I could truly love for the rest of my life. Forgive me for keeping all of those dorky notes and cute poems. Forgive me for listening to songs over and over again because they remind me of you. Forgive me for thinking that we could have been something amazing. Forgive me for believing that you actually felt the same way. Forgive me for trying to make you happy. Forgive me for wanting to be more than friends. Forgive me for thinking that you were over her. Forgive me for all those days that I've lied about why I was crying because the real reason was you. Forgive me for being sad for months while you were gone. Forgive me for not always telling you what's wrong. Forgive me for making stupid decissions. Forgive me for trying so hard to be with you. Forgive me for EVERYTHING....

[[Wanna Be Loved For Who I Am...Not What I Look Like]

I am more than what my face or my body depicts. I wish some guys could see past those aspects of me. I want people to see who I really am. I need a guy who understans everything that I have been through and done, and who doesn't see me as anything less than who I am. I need to be told that I am good enough. I feel as if some guys only care about my appearance, attributes and features. I want someone who is able to see underneath all of that. I have alot of flaws, I mean who doesn't?, but I just wish I could have someone who sees past every single one of them and doesnt think anything less of me. What is on the inside matters alot, what someone looks like on the outside is just a bonus. I have been loved because of my body or my looks, and I didnt like it. I have been wanted for things because of my body and it makes me feel used. I want to be loved more for who I am as a person. I dont believe that looks should matter as much as everyone says they do. I dont love others for what they look like, I love for what I see in them. I get told that I am cute, hot, pretty, beautiful and gorgeous...but all that doesnt matter to me...because if they tell me that, they are only looking at the surface of who I am. I just want to be loved for who I am, not what I look like.

"Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced"

Some things in life go by way to fast. People leave and things change. A very wise and close friend told me "...it's hard to let go of people...and there must be a reason". Things are meant to change..even people are meant to change, whether we like it, or not. Its just life's way of teaching us how to move on. I am the kind of person that doesn't like change very much...expecially sudden change. I have learned that I have no control over what changes and what does not, and neither does anyone else out there. Some changes are good and for the better...others are hard to deal with and seem like they shouldn't have changed at all. A lot of things have been twisted around and messed with in my life. Friendships, trust, family and anyting else in between. Things have happend to me in my life that I really wish didnt happen, and all of my feelings and perspective towards those events have changed as my views have changed. As it is getting close to graduation and the end of my junior year...i realize that it is going to be extreamly different as a senior in high school. I will have more responsibilities and more expectations, and that is because of everything that I have done to get to this point..I changed my future by pushing myself and changing things to get where I am now. So I guess my point is that, some change is good, some...not so much, but is still needed.We learn this lesson in life through our own experiences and all the different changes that we went through ourselves!

“A smile is a curve that sets everything straight"

Smiling faces are always a source of happiness and are certainly infectious. Looking at the smiling faces of babies bring us an instant joy, even when we are in the lowest of spirits. Smiling faces radiate energy that has the capability to offer light to the atmosphere and alleviate the darkness. If you see a friend without a smile, give them one of yours. Smiling increases our lifespan because it indicates that we are in a happy state of mind. Smiling is above language and is easily universal. A person who does not understand your language, can easily understand your smile. Therefore, smiling is always welcomed by all. Also, a smile is the most beautiful thing  girl can wear. More beautiful than all the make-up most girls wear to feel beautiful...even with make-up, they always feel more beautiful while they are smiling!

"To give everything, is to have nothing left".

 We usually have to give it our all to get very far in life! I have now realized that!! If you want something bad enough, it shouldn't be very hard to give everything for it! You need to put your whole heart into it, to get something out of it! Some people dont have to give everything, to get what they want to be happy, but they will never know the feeling of actually using everything you have to get that! It really does make all the difference. When someone tells you that you cant do something, you turn around and tell then "watch me". It is a great feeling when you prove to someone that you can do what they never thought you could! When you are behind in a race, you have to make it your job to catch the person in front of you, because that means that you want more than you already have! It means that you have the strength and determination to give more than you tought you had! Even if you are far behind and you are tired, keep trying to catche that person. Once you think you have given everything, and are waiting to crash down, try to give more....because over half the time, you have more to give than you think! The last thing I want to say in this post is, Never Give Up... It is really hard to beat a person who never gives up! Even when you feel like you can't go on or can't do something, keep trying to get up or keep trying to do it...eventually, everyone finds the strength to do what they have always wanted to accomplish! When all those people in the stands are cheering for you, it feels so good! It makes you feel like they are proud of you! But you will never have that feeling if you dont just give it your all! So just go for it! If you leave everything you had out there, no one can tell you that you didn't do your best!