Trust and Honesty

So I was told to do a post about this today, because of some issues that went down, so here it is. Trust and Honesty are two very important things in life. They are definately something that each relationship should be based on. I consider these two things to be very important in my personal relationships, but both partners-in-crime need to agree that they will both be open, honest, and will be able to trust the other. Trust is a very hard thing for me, and alot of people also. I dont trust very many people unless they prove that I can trust them with anything! I try to be one of those people who other people can trust with things that are important to them! I dont tell random people things that other people have talked to me about. I just think that is just messed up. I mean, the person obviously trusted you enough to tell you, so why would you test that trust by telling someone who doesnt even need to know! That is why I have a hard time trusting people. I know people who try to get certain information from other people so they can start  rumors and twist the information around! They just want to know things about you, so that if you two ever get in a fight or something, then they have all this information to use against you. Now honesty, on the other hand, is a completely different story. Honesty is where you both are willing to talk about anything that you have a problem with. It is a good idea to have a relationship built on honesty, because there is no lying, no guessing and not as much drama. I am honest most of the time, and I try to be as honest as I can. I have a strong consious, and if I lie about something, it is constantly telling me that I lied and that I need to fix it! I also really respect people who are completely honest with me about things. People who are honest, tend to be more willing to help people out who need an honest oppinion! So that is my opinion on Trust and Honesty. I believe these are two of the many important things that you need for a good relationship, and even a good life. Much less drama this way.

--h

Does He Really Care?

So I'm not so sure of what to think right at the moment. There are so many thought running through my mind that it is starting to keep me up at night. For some reason, it seems like he doesnt actually care about me. Like he just wants to be with me for my body. I have been thinking, and we dont really know eachother very well. We dont know the important things about eachother like a couple should. I guess this kind of thing takes time...but I hate waiting for things to happen. If they were supposed to happen, then I want them to happen quickly. I am completely tired of waiting. For some strange reason, he doesnt talk to me first. I always have to talk to him first. If you know me well enough, you know that I hate being the first person to do something. When we do start talking, he gives me one word answeres and he is just short with me, like he is annoyed of me or something. It makes me feel unwanted and ingnored in a way. Dont get me wrong, he does some sweet things, gives me a few compliments and buys me stuff, but to me, that isnt really a big part of a relationship. In a relationship, you should be able to understand how the other person ticks, like what makes them happy, sad, mad, and whatever else. You need to know what they are scared of and what they do and dont like. You need to be able to have meaningful conversations about random things, and be able to talk for hours without having to think about what to say next. There needs to be a mutual understanding that if one is mad, sad, or not in a good mood, that the other one tries to figure out what is wrong and tries to fix it. There also needs to be respect and trust in the relationship. I feel like me and him have a few of these, but there are some important things missing here. He doesnt take the time to really get to know me. I try to make an effort to get to know him better, but he just gives me straight answers and doesnt go into detail about why it was his answer. I have a feeling that we dont click like I was hoping and how it is supposed to be like. There are very few people who know these meaningful things about me. And one of them happens to be one that I could easily see me spending the rest of my life with...but I guess things happen for a reason.....right? I will keep putting forth the effort to get to know him better, even if he doesnt even seem to care, because I was told that if I try this relationship, then I have to put all of my heart into it...so that is what I will try to do!

--h

So This Is My Blog...

So tonight, I am laying here, under all my blankets, listening to music, and looking out the window all the stars. Wishing people would understand some of the things I am going through. Some people say that I have been acting different lately. I have a perfectly good explaination for this, I really do, but for those of you who know me well enough, you know that it is easier for me to speak and express my feelings through my writing. I am a lot better at putting together words on paper or on a screen than I could ever express in words spoken through my mouth. Plus, I am too shy to say things that are important! I like to hide alot of my feelings. It's not that I am scared of telling people how I feel, it's just I dont like explaining why I feel the way I feel sometimes. I just wish there was a way for someone to be able to just look at me, and be able to tell what I am feeling and exactly what was bothering me. I am not very good at explaining things either. I always say either "I dont know" or "because"....those are usually my explainations for everything! People have told me that I need to work on being able to talk about my feelings without having to write them down. I know I need to, but then again, there are alot of ways people can express themselves. Most people are able to do this by writing music, poetry, blogs, diarys and journals. So I dissagree with the thought that we absolutely need to be able to express our feelings through spoken words. I believe that writing it out is an easier way to get it out! So this is mostly the reason why I even have a blog. Even tho there are only a few who read this. I dont like to talk about my feelings. I would rather have them just flow freely onto the paper or screen without judgement and without people asking why. On this blog that I got here..I express my deepest feelings and some of the things that I am too afraid to say in person! So this is my blog...where my feelings, wishes, dreams, opinions and thoughts are put into words for you to read! enjoy...

--h

What Do I Have To Do??

That feeling that I get when you smile at me.
That feeling ends up changing my mood dramatically.
That feeling gives me butterflies and makes my knees weak.
That feeling makes me shaky and makes me slowly loose my mind.

Knowing that you will never love me as much as I love you.
Knowing that you say you love me yet you tell her you love her too.
Knowing that you still want to be with her.
Knowing that all I did for you wasnt really enough.

Showing you how much I love you.
Showing you how much you mean to me.
Showing you that I would do anything for you.
Showing you that I am different than her.

Seeing you go back to her.
Seeing you turn away from me as an option for love.
Seeing you take my love forgranted.
Seeing you drift further and further away from me.

Not being able to stop you.
Not being able to change your mind.
Not being able to show you what we could have.
Not being able to be what you really wanted and what would make you happy.

I just hope in the long run....it makes you happy and was everything that you wanted it to be.

-hrk </3

"Mark My Words"

I don't know why I try
To work it out for you and her,
When it's really me, you should see.
It's different, mark my words.

I keep thinking it's all in my head.
When I go to sleep and start dreaming,
I wake up and realize,
That it's her that you're seeing.

This pain that I'm feeling,
Is deep in my heart..
It makes me think that,
We're just drifting apart.

You say that you love me.
Believe me, I know..
But it's making it harder,
For me to let go.

I try to hide this pain that I'm in,
So you can't see how it hurt me in the end.
It was your choice between her and I,
I guess all I can say is that I tried.

So now that you've chosen.
I see how this ties..
As I hide all my pain,
And try not to cry.

I put on a smile for everyone else.
Bury my emotions deep within myself..
I've been with you through think and thin.
I guess this is where "goodbye" has to begin.

I dont think I really understand
How she seemed better at the time...
Or why she can have you as her man..
And you just kinda left me behind...

This really is heartbreaking..
I dont know what to do..
Just mark my words that this part is true...
I really do think I'm in love with you...